What do I say to this?

Sooooo the other day I logged into facebook and looked at Nick's profile. Incase you can't read it, it says "They dated and still get along great. It's complicated. They hooked up." This girl is my worst nightmare in a guy I am interested in. The above profile picture caught my eye (ofcourse) as someone who recently wrote on Nick's wall... She said something like "Hahaha, you ask how am I still single?! I am waiting for something amazing to come my way." Nick is flirting with some girl and she posted on his wall. Big deal. She looks like a girl that is VERY comfortable with her sexuality. I looked at his profile again the other day and the message was ERASED. I am 150% sure. I just clicked through Nick's friends and there is a new feature on FB that pops up with whatever status was entered on "how do you know so and so." The above image is the status that popped up. My mouth fell open. This is completely out of my league! hahaha I am not pissed because I know better and knew better the whole time (and am somewhat proud of this despite Nick's weak attempts to hide the way he really is). One of the first things I heard Nick say was about almost scoring one night. I know this is how he is. I bet some of the times he hasn't called when he said he was going to were when he was out banging some girl. I have no idea why a guy that likes and has sex with girls like Fiona has any interest in me. Don't get me wrong, I think I am a good catch--but not the same kind of "good catch" as Fiona... The completely opposite type of catch. My interest in Nick is purely fun and exploring a more dangerous side of life than I am used to. I have NEVER done this. NEVER NEVER NEVER even wanted to. Do you think I can walk the tight rope line of not getting feelings but having a blast with someone who is adventurous enough to take 3 weeks off and spend it with someone half way around the world? I am just out of a shitty shitty relationship and I have that scar to protect me and remind me of what I DO NOT WANT TO END UP FEELING LIKE AT ANY COST. I am almost thinking about printing this out and putting it in my pocket so I don't forget even when he seems innocent... Should I call him on it right away and tell him don't even try to hide it, just be open and that way I can avoid being tempted to have feelings? Or should I just keep it to myself? I guess my only interest in this guy is to try something different that I am used to... This is the possibly craziest and yet most sensible thing I have ever done... Sensible in the way that I am enjoying something for myself and I know that the only person that can let myself get hurt is me... I am going to try to take the fun out of this and get what I want and just leave the rest behind... And yet I can't help but to feel like I am feeding myself to the sharks.

the best things in life are free

I just want to take the last few minutes of my day to write about something that we most often forget. I have been a little bummed out thinking about all of the things that I really want to do that cost money... When I should be saving in case of layoffs. Namely horse riding and more mountaineering courses. And vacations and scuba diving (which requires more equipment up here or airfare to a warmer place... unless I want to die of hypothermia in the Puget Sound). I want to buy more and nicer clothes. I want to go out drinking at expensive bars on the weekends with my friends. I want to take voice lessons and guitar lessons and you name it, I want to give it a try.

I have had the most amazing last two days spurred on by something that is free on Sunday. I went on a group bike ride around what I consider one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Stopping for scones and lattes in a little bakery where you can see the ocean and the snow capped mountains in the background. I went with a group of people who I have never met before in my life and most of them were atleast 10 years my senior, some were four times that. Whatever it was about that ride, it completely reformatted my hard drive. Since then I have been in a cloud somewhere floating around.

Today I stopped at the grocery store and bought only what was on my list (and the cheapest versions at that). I usually buy whatever I want and feel a little guilty about how much I spend. But this time I was more careful with my money. I came home, tossed everything in the cabinets and made a quick dinner. I shoved that down and took off for the gym. I worked out in 35 min (not ideal, but I got there). I drove home and showered and just wrote a personal mission statement which I am quite fond of. I have spent literally probably 15 hours working on one which isn't half as good as the one that just popped out of my brain after two min of laying on my bed staring at the ceiling.

What's my point? Well, when you find what truly makes you happy, you just want to tackle everything and you enjoy it. If you are finding yourself not getting stuff done that you want to do or you just feel lazy or whatever... Find and do what you are passionate about. Everything else falls into place. I usually whine about having too much to do. Today I just ran around like a crazy lady. I think the guys that work at the gym were laughing at me when I came in cause I came running up to the sliding doors and had to stop and wait while they opened. On the way out I didn't bother to fix my ponytail that was all crazy from doing abs... I looked deranged and took off out the door. I jumped in and out of the shower and onto my bed and my thoughts just came right to my head. Normally after a day as busy as today I would not be able to have any ideas come to my head.

Just a few thoughts I thought I would share with you guys... :)

Best Sunday

I just got back from an AWESOME bike ride. Seattle is coo' because you can just pick anything you want to do and there are clubs of tons of people that you can just meet up with and do whatever it is that you want to do. So I looked up some group rides (cycling) going on today. There was one from practically my back yard to Alki Beach and back. The weather was one degree above freezing and predictions for snow. We went ahead and went. Down to Ballard (down Leary and Market where all the coolest coffee shops and shops are)/Freemont, across the drawbridge, along the water down by the Piers/Pike Place/Cranes downtown, across the bridge and into West Seattle and up along the beach (windy!!) and stopped at Alki Bakery for a latte and the most delicious scones you can imagine! They put Tully's scones to shame! Then back on the bikes and crossed the Ballard locks, back up to Greenlake. All on the typically busy roads, but because it was Sunday, it was dead. The snow was coming down like a snow globe, but it was dry the entire time. The bike paths were also empty due to the chilly weather and likely snow. Best tour of Seattle I have had yet. And on bikes with a very cool bunch of people. Some of the people were older--retired. But don't be fooled. The retired people here have grey hair just like everywhere else in the country, but here in the northwest they can kick your ass!! They are in such good shape. One of the men was talking about second hand bike parts he bought, used for 40,000 mi and then resold for a profit. Another one was talking about a ride called "RAW" (Ride Around Washington). http://www.cascade.org/EandR/raw/index.cfm They ride over Washington Pass (6,000 feet gain in one day). A six day ride. One of the others is hoping the weather will be nice for his trip to ride the beaches in Vietnam. Very fun bike trip. Very inspiring people. Very great way to start my Sunday :)

steady state

I just got home from a night out with climbing friends. A few things happened this week that kind of stirred stuff up for me. Some good, some bad. Writing in a blog is hard, most of the events in my life that I want to discuss have to do with people. So it has to be private and yet I don't want to be when I type it. I want to say someone's name. Then say how much I am crazy about them or can't stand them. At the same time that is not fair for the person to find that out through a blog and not from my mouth. So my solution is to be as ambiguous as possible and just leave the world guessing.

I am dreading a certain phone call that has to happen in the next week. I know it is something I have to do, but for some reason I am still in denial. I just keep saying I will make the call later. I really don't want to do it. :( I need to (wo)man up and face things a little more than I do sometimes.

All in all, I had a pretty good week. I haven't been home a single second but to sleep, it is crazy. That is how I like it. My roommate may have thought I signed up to be home once in awhile, but it ain't happening lately that is fo sho.

Oh I am tired. I don't have the mental energy to type about anything good for you to read. I want to cuddle right now. I don't have anyone to cuddle with and I miss that! That is the one thing I hate about being single. I am a very physically affectionate person and I am happiest when I can have that.

It was good to see all my BCC friends again. A bunch of them are making the committment to teach this course section. I really admire that. It would probably be a good thing for me to do. I didn't make every weekend available in the next few months though and this time the course runs clear through June!! Gosh they are such "good people," although it is weird to be hanging out with them in Seattle instead of out in the mountains somewhere or in a random pub on the way home to Seattle from a climb. I liked every single person on my team and was even fortunate to make friends that I have kept on other teams. They are the best quality people I now have as friends... Chris is pretty quality too. :) Mountaineering is a good place to make dependable friends.

Okay I am sleepy girl and do not have anything interesting that isn't super private for the internet.

Best day yet :)

That's right. I went out for some beers with a friend and ended up having the best time I have had in I would venture to say some months. Undisclosed who this person is, it was just a breath of fresh air, new perspectives on life, renewed faith, etc. I am thankful to say the least. I believe I can always see from the outsides of situations, but at times I start to doubt that. That is where my friends come in. I am hoping next Thursday will top this week... We will see and I will report back. :>

Mayor of Your Town

I am in a contemplative mood today. Lots going on to think about and everyone knows I like to do that!! :) My relationships with my coworkers just keep getting better. I can't believe how lucky I am to work with the nicest people all day. They are so happy and friendly. I am listening to pandora right now and I named the station "Nick's Station" cause I got all of the suggested band names from him. I am trying to post the link to it so you guys can also, but I am failing at that at the current moment. Every song is awesome.

I went to riding at the barn and rode my favorite horse, Blanche. She is a thoroughbred percheron mix and my instructor and I agree that if she were a person she would be Marilyn Monroe. She is hilarious, she always thinks I have treats for her (she's a smart girl). She stands in the cross ties and squirms around while I brush her and pick out her feet. She cocks her head sideways and stares down at me with one eye while I am at her withers brushing her. I have invited a handful of people to ride and I am shocked at how indifferent they are some of the times. I am wondering if people think riding horses is like forcing the horses to do something they don't want to do. Horses like some of the people that ride them and not others. And depending on the horse, they really like to jump. It is like playing a game for them. Blanche and I did figure eights today (doing two "bending lines (a bending line is two jumps that aren't in a straight line)" in the shape of a figure eight) and she was a little on the sluggish side until we started doing those. Then I just sat back and let her go. She loved it. Blanche and I are pals. :)

I think I might have to stop riding for awhile to save some money up. It makes me so sad. I was looking at everything in the barn tonight and at Blanche wondering how long it might be before I come back. I really don't want to quit. Riding keeps me sane. I don't have any pics of me with her, I need to get some. Someone has pics of me on another horse, but I DOUBT I am getting those...

On the way home I went by the grocery store and bought some pistachios and other stuff. Those damn things are so good. And Corona, that is pretty damn good also.

Mmmm... one more thing. So for anyone that doesn't really know, I am still talking to the Welsh guy that I met last weekend. I really enjoy avoiding thinking about what is going on. It is so fun how ridiculous it is when I do give it a few thoughts--we are so far apart and yet all I want is to hear his voice. That might seem impossible, I am in Seattle and he is in Holyhead, U.K. He calls and all I want to do is jump through the phone and out the other side into his arms. His voice is the most amazing sound I have heard since I can remember. Charming and sweet and pretty damn funny (cheeky shit ;) ). He is 8 hours ahead of my time. So he is getting up pretty soon I imagine. I am going to visit him sometime and it sounds like he might be able to come visit me. We don't get to talk very much because he works a lot and does a lot of training for athletic events that he participates in. Hhahaha, we are something like 8000 miles apart and we don't get to talk that much. So basically the majority of this is in my imagination... HEY. ahahaha ;) Or the majority is on facebook messages. Yep. I like the idea of bouncing around the world and going on cycling trips with him. To random crazy adventurous places to just meet up and have a blast. Then return to normal life. That's okay with me, ya know. He's cool enough that I am satisfied with facebook messages and occasional really hot phone calls. Life's a bowl of cherries!!

Nick's pretty cool. He is on the top of the list as far as awesome guys I have met. For a bunch of reasons. I seek out people who want their life to be an adventure, one after another. He seems like he wouldn't so much as skip a beat in that department. And he's so gosh dang seheeeexxxxy. His ass looks hotter in jeans than anyone I have seen yet. Oh yes. :D

Sweet dreams. Earlier bed time for me.


Old School: I didn't get the link to work. Here are the songs that have been playing while I wrote:

"Big Screen" by Pictures and Sound.

"Stay Here" by Bela

"Is It Any Wonder?" by Keane

"Warning Sign" by Coldplay

with some pistachios and a Corona Light with two slices of lime

:0

This is the very first year it really hasn't felt like Christmas. There can be a couple reasons for that. I made the trip home this year. I have spent trip so far feeling overstimulated by chatty family members. I am used to being home alone and this constant talking is a wearing me out. I know it is a common thing that parents want to know what time you are doing everything you will be doing for the next day. But the furthest time ahead I plan anything these days is stuff that requires advance purchase such as plane tickets and condo rentals. My dad is like a little kid that wants to show me everything EVERYTHING!!!!

Nothing unique, I know. I am jealous of friends on cruises and in Colorado. That is what I will do next year. I NEED a vacation--I am still not adjusted from college. I need a vacation with sun on my skin all day long, ocean, waves, and partying and dancing at night.

I got to spend good time with a couple girlfriends in Columbia for the last couple days. Much needed girl time I must add... I miss my girlfriends from Missouri sooo much. Good friends are much harder to come by at the old age of 26 or when everyone is working and married...

So on a more positive note I am looking forward to playing with my friend Monica and her baby. I have never played with a baby before!! I am also going to Chi town for New Year's with some friends. That is an adventure I am purposely going on. I haven't done enough crazy partying yet at this age and that is the goal. I have an awesome dress all ready to go. Waaahooo! Dance the night away. Open bar. CAN NOT WAIT. :)

Then Whistler the weekend after I get back from the holidays.

Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years!